Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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