stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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