Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
