you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think my tv is drunk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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