I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
