Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bring money and cleavage
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
