Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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