I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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