If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
