you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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