did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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