I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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