Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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