It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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