A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
