I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
