you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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