her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
