Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
