You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
