i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm at about main and main street
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
