I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
