plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
