I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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