How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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