Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
