Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is wine microwaveable?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
