Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize