Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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