you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
