All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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