I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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