Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
