he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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