I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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