in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
