This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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