we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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