It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
