I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
