One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
