if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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