Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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