I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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