mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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