I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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