I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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