i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
