I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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