Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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