Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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