Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
