I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
