I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was born a porn star she said
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
