I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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