i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
