woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
