What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
