i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
