Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
