She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
