i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
